for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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