Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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