Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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