He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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