Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
