you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
