party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
