MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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