Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
