this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
