I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
