Four minutes until I can fart!
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
