it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Randomize
