Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
