is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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