On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
