Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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