saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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