i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
