brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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