i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
