I skipped work to stalk him.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
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