Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
