yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
