i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
