I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
