So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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