I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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