everyone is single if you try hard enough
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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