i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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