i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
She told me I should be a condom model.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
