I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
