apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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