Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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