so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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