I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
