If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
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