we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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