It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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