Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
