Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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