if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
