Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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