Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
