Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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