I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
