I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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