dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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