Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
