i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
