My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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