Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
