There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
