Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
