Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
