yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
