Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
