I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
