i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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