I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
