So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
