Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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