Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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