Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize
